Some Thoughts on Unequal Childhoods

I have encountered many themes and things to consider while reading Unequal Childhoods. I think there are also more than a few main ideas that I could come away with from reading the book that I could also apply to teaching. The book gave a unique glimpse into the home lives of the students. These students could just as easily be our students. Or, we may meet students like them as teachers- regardless of age. Though I don't plan on teaching elementary school and won't have experiences with children that are the same age as the kids I met in this book, I'm aware that even older students can have similar issues and even respond to them in ways that are similar to those in the book. Unequal Childhoods gave me a glimpse of what affects school age children and how much of an impact their home lives (and the stress associated with them) can have on learning. Instead of sitting in our classrooms wondering about the home lives of our kids, we can get a window into it.

The question I saw on the faces of lots of people in class last night was (or seemed to be)"Well, how would we know these kids have problems?" Or- "How would we know they are overworked or stressed?" You know. At least I can say this from my own experience. You certainly get a sense of which individual students have it tough and which walk the line of Tattinger family and live off of $100,000 salaries. Our frames of references don't lie to us necessarily and it appears like they are there to guide us to certain truths. Intuition is a good natural compass. I do feel like sometimes you have to be tough. Not pushy, but tough. I've had more discussions with crying kids over seating arrangements in class than I would perhaps like to admit. But, in the end, you can't honor EVERYONE's needs. The classroom is environment is hard, perhaps, because it doesn't always lend itself to complete equality. If you give one student a pass, you have to give it to another. But, reading Unequal Childhoods and taking in the main ideas communicated with regard to class structure will certainly make me a more observant teacher. I guess I appreciate the window that the book gave me and the fact that it allowed me to notice how "at home" issues impact learning and the learning environment. I don't feel like I can then blame the kid falling asleep in class if I know how his family life is structured. But, I think now I may know better how to help.

Strangely enough, while reading Unequal Childhoods, I found myself wondering more about what kind of PARENT I would want to be than what kind of TEACHER I would want to be. Or- more acutely, how I would combat the issues dealt with in the book and the very different parenting styles that were communicated throughout the study and in the research. I found myself wondering: Do I identify more with concerted cultivation or the concept of natural growth? At what point do we "let kids be kids?" At what point do we intervene and lead them? These questions absolutely relate to who we are as teachers, how we choose to do our job, and how we will do it well. It all seems to hark back to the idea that if we are open and available and ready to be mentors and leaders as much as we are educators, then we can really make the difference.

But, I judged the parenting insights that were in the book a little harsher and I tried to apply that to what my idea of parenting this early in the game. I was dismayed at the examples offered about Katie Brindle's mother and how she appeared to take little to no interest in her own daughter's schooling. I can't imagine I'd ever be an absent parent- but how do you juggle job and children? But- the other side of that reminds me of examples from The Feminine Mystique where the mother/housewife has so little to do in her own life that she lives vicariously through her own children, pushing them to do something she never did or, in the modern day context, getting involved with school projects as a way of adding substance to her own life. I don't think I believe so much in natural growth that I would naturally expect my own child to just be entirely responsible for their own viewpoint of the degree to which he or she should be involved in their education. I feel cautioned against the concept of furthering a sense of entitlement in my own children, but I would still want to encourage them to stand up for themselves and their beliefs, even if it means challenging authority. Sometimes when you're right, you're right- regardless of who you are engaging in a conflict with. Parenting wise- it appears like perhaps we have little control over how our lessons are interpreted and followed. While I'm a huge advocate of letting "kids be kids"- how do you then help them to become adults? Are the viewpoints on parenting held by the Williams family, the Tattingers, or the Marshalls wrong? Do we necessarily blame them for wanting the best for their kids? As a parent, how do you "walk the line" between concerted cultivation AND natural growth? How do you do it as a teacher?

As I read about the Tattinger family- I automatically felt like there could be a possibility that Garrett could become very spoiled. It's clear that he lived a fairly privileged life- but he appeared to see soccer and other activities as a burden. This burden was keeping him from "just being a kid." As a potential parent, I would want to encourage my kids to do whatever activity they may be interested in, but without "pushing it." I couldn't help but feel that by encouraging piano or soccer or gymnastics (or anything else) that I would be advocating concerted cultivation and leaving little room for a child's own natural growth. But, on the flipside, I was impressed with Tyrec Taylor's sense of self, sense of right and wrong, personal drive, and personality. His mother must have done something right. Maybe she didn't personally cultivate him like he was a living business plan, but, she allowed him to be just who he is and he appeared to honor her lessons outside of her care. I agreed with the way some of the upper class parents chose to raise their children- especially with the Williams family- and with respect to conducting oneself properly, having a good vocabulary, understanding the world, and thinking for yourself.

With regard to teaching, I remember recounting a story about an experience with a parent to a friend of mine who is also a seasoned teacher. I don't remember the exact story or occurrence. But, at the end of it, he said, "Oh, so you expect parents to be parents?" And, I guess, that's true. I do. I know that my parents (though, admittedly, mostly my mom) was, at all times, a parent. I think that when I am a parent I will have a harder time figuring out to do when encountering a parent who ISN'T acting like a parent.

I don't yet know how to leave my views out of it. I've also had the bad fortune in seeing the look on a kid's face when their parent doesn't show up for the poetry celebration, or the band concert, or the social studies play. That's the part of the teaching profession that goes hand in hand with Unequal Childhoods but can't be communicated in the book itself. But, clearly, parenting and individual parenting styles has a lot to do with it. It has a lot to do with the school as an institution- as parents from different social classes communicated education and school differently to their children. Sometimes it was of supreme importance and other times it was a government institution to be avoided or manipulated. I think the book gave us all a glimpse into issues that will relate to our classrooms, impact our job, and impact the lives and learning of our students. I didn't know how much class figured into the equation...